gookgod:

you got a fuckin problem officer 

videohall:

News Anchor in my area loses it over a Fat Cat that likes to swim.

relahvant:

majestic

concernedresidentofbakerstreet:

theawesomeadventurer:

A penguin, a farmer, and the farmer’s wife walk into a bar. The Farmer see’s a drunken man vomiting into a potted plant and talking to himself next to some umbrellas and decides to see if he needs any help. Upon closer inspection the Farmer realizes that the man isn’t a man at all. It’s an eggplant! It was a weird eggplant though. It shook around a lot so the guy figured it was magic. The farmer, deciding it could used in tonight’s dinner, picks it up to bring to his wife and everyone in the bar starts gasping in shock. The farmer, confused, brings the eggplant to the penguin. The penguin starts screaming at the farmer asking him what his problem was. The farmer, still confused, asks, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a stupid fucking eggplant!” So the penguin looks at the farmers wife, who’s face is an expression of horror, looks back at the penguin and goes, “Dude, he’s not an eggplant! He’s retarded!”

THANK YOU HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT JOKE

Bae: Come over
Me: I'm in me mum's car
Bae: My parents aren't home
Me: Broom Broom

drunkdilf:

bread is so fucking good man I could prob eat an entire bakery in 25 minutes or less 

M